Michael Vartan, co-star of the "Monster-In-Law" Movie!
Michael is best recognized for his role as "Michael Vaughn" on ABC's action drama "Alias." Michael Vartan was born in Paris and raised in the tiny Normandy village of Fleury, France. As a teenager he moved to Los Angeles to live with his mother, who encouraged him to take acting classes. After starring in two small foreign films, Vartan grabbed the attention of the film world with his breakthrough performance in the 1993 Italian epic Fiorile, in which he was nominated for a French Caesar Award for Best Up-and-Coming Actor. Soon after, Vartan landed a role in To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. He went on to star in such features as The Myth of Fingerprints, The Curve, Never Been Kissed and One Hour Photo. On television, Vartan starred as Sir Lancelot in the miniseries The Mists of Avalon and has guest-starred on Friends and Ally McBeal. In his spare time, Vartan enjoys playing many different types of sports and is an avid hockey and baseball fan.
Michael Vartan was born on 27th November 1968 in France, the only child of a French father and an American mother who got divorced when he was only five. He spent his childhood shuttling between France (where his father, a musician lived) and the U.S (where his mother lived). At the age of eighteen, after deciding against joining the French military service (mandatory for all males above 18 in France) Michael shifted to the States. He hadn't really thought about becoming an actor. He enrolled in an acting school after being told by many people that he had the potential for it. He made his acting debut in the French film Un homme et deux femmes (1991) and followed that with another French film called Promenades d'été (1992). It was with the Italian film Fiorile (1993), in which he played (rather ironically), a French soldier that he made his international debut. He considers The Pallbearer (1996), in which he starred with David Schwimmer and Gwyneth Paltrow to be his first big American movie.
He gave an impressive performance in The Myth of Fingerprints (1997) as Jake, who, during a Thanksgiving family reunion tries to gain some perspective into the nature of love and family relationships. Michael's true mettle as an actor was seen when he played a character that he has described as being most unlike him. The role was that of the English Lit teacher-cum-Prince Charming Sam Coulson in the 1999 hit Never Been Kissed (1999) and it catapulted Michael to never experienced popularity and adulation. He followed his much talked about NBK performance with similar good ones in The Next Best Thing (2000) and It Had to Be You (2000/I). Meanwhile, he joined stellar company by being one among the biggest names in Hollywood to feature on shows like "Ally McBeal" (1997) and "Friends" (1994).
He also played the role of the legendary Lancelot in the serialized version of Marion Zimmer Bradley's novel "The Mists of Avalon" (2001) (mini). In 2001, he became a regular feature on TV playing CIA agent Michael Vaughn in the series "Alias" (2001). Still playing the character, he has described it as being more close to home than his previous roles. Hockey is a passion with Michael. He also enjoys other sports, as much for the joy of playing them as for the therapeutic value he derives from them! He continues rendering impressive performances in films, his latest being One Hour Photo (2002).
More fun facts about Michael Vartan
Wanted to be a professional pool player before deciding to act instead.
Avid sports fan.
Plays hockey as often as he can. This attribute has also been given to his "Alias" (2001) character Michael Vaughn, who plays pickup hockey occasionally with his co-worker characters.
When the studio resisted casting an "unkownn", Drew Barrymore pushed get him cast in Never Been Kissed (1999).
Speaks French and English fluently.
Turned down a role in Scream 3 (2000) because he wanted to take his career in a different direction.
Nephew of Sylvie Vartan.
Cousin of French singer David Hallyday.
Was engaged to Shannon Gleason for about 10 years. They've since split.
Also paints and plays guitar.
He is of Bulgarian heritage - his father and aunt were migrants from Bulgaria.
Son of Eddie Vartan
His favourite NHL Hockey team is the Los Angeles Kings.
Appeared in a television ad for the 2004 NHL Stanley Cup playoffs. He stated that he hadn't been nervous while acting in 3 years, yet he was very nervous about appearing with the Stanley Cup.
Dated "Alias" (2001) co-star Jennifer Garner. (2003-2004)
A handsome, light-haired French-American actor, Vartan began to study his craft shortly after arriving in Los Angeles as a way to meet people.
His childhood was spent partly in the U.S. and partly in France. They were the homelands of his mother and father respectively. His parents divorced when he was just five-years-old.
(March 2005) Wrapping up filming on the final few episodes of the fourth season of "Alias".
Michael Vartan : Sealed with a kiss
As "Alias"' sexy secret agent, Michael Vartan gets to thwart bad guys and make out with Jennifer Garner. And that suits him just fine.
With his piercing hazel eyes, chiseled jaw and shy smile, Michael Vartan may be the sexiest suit on television. As CIA agent Michael Vaughn on ABC's spy drama "Alias" (Sundays, 9 p.m. ET), Vartan has caused many of the show's female fans to consider what it might be like to be in co-star Jennifer Garner's stilettos.
Consider, for example, "The Kiss."
"It's amazing how much more handsome I've gotten since I've been on 'Alias'."
When Vartan and Garner finally locked lips on Super Bowl Sunday at the climax of a mind-boggling, series-altering episode, it ended a year-and-a-half's worth of "will-they-or-won't-they?" speculation about their characters' chemistry. For Vartan, it wasn't a moment too soon.
"It was like, 'Dude, kiss her already!' " Vartan, 34, laughs about the long- awaited clinch with Garner's alter ego, fellow CIA agent Sydney Bristow.
Although "It" girl Garner has been the more celebrated of the two outside of the show, Vartan has been gaining his own increasingly ardent fan base.
"I find it the most bizarre thing and the most uncomfortable thing ever," the currently single actor says of the newfound attention. "It's amazing how much more handsome I've gotten since I've been on "Alias". Where were all these girls when I couldn't get a job?"
That sort of reaction is typical of the French-American actor, who, by all accounts, doesn't believe his own publicity. Instead, he maintains a more continental -- and more relaxed -- attitude toward life.
"Michael is a very funny guy," explains "Alias" creator J.J. Abrams. "He's a terrific musician. He's a great athlete. He's an artist. He's one of these guys who you might not know much about when you first see him, but you like him. And I think it's because he's a thoughtful person. He's a smart guy, and he's kind of fallen into this job that happens to be acting, and into the spotlight."
Vartan "fell" into acting a little more than a decade ago. The son of an American mother and a French father, he spent his life shuttling back and forth every few years from his native France to the United States, before settling in Los Angeles in the early '90s.
He took acting classes as a way to meet people, but the hobby soon turned into a more serious pursuit. After winning roles in a handful of French and American movies, including an emotionally distant son in Bart Freundlich's 1997 indie "The Myth of the Fingerprints", Vartan won notice in the 1999 romantic comedy "Never Been Kissed" as the guy who plants a big (and memorable) smooch on Drew Barrymore's chaste character.
From there, Vartan moved on to edgier fare, such as last year's dark "One Hour Photo", in which he portrayed a philandering husband who's ultimately caught (and subsequently emotionally denigrated) by a disturbed Robin Williams. Still, it has been Vartan's small-screen work on "Alias" that has sealed his leading-man status.
Offscreen, in a very large sense, he's a guy's guy. He goes to the gym on a regular basis, sneaks off during his lunch break to play hockey with pals, hits the bar on the weekends with friends, and loves to kick back at his Los Angeles apartment and watch ESPN. He hates to read ("It bores me to tears"). His taste in music ranges from Sinatra to Guns N' Roses to Jimi Hendrix to the Police. And like most Gen-X males, he thinks "Star Wars" is one of the greatest films ever made.
At the same time, he's quite the Renaissance man. The European in Vartan would choose wine over beer any day. He has been known to pick up a paintbrush in his spare time, selecting as his medium "anything that will stick to a canvas." He's looking to buy a house solely so he can get a few dogs.
He even has a favorite hair product -- a Japanese styling gel called Magic Move -- but as soon as he cops to that, he becomes completely embarrassed, worried he's revealing a little too much information. "I put my foot in my mouth quite a lot. My censor button isn't very well developed, or it's not in an easy-access place," he explains with a rueful laugh.
One thing he is able to censor is any hint of a French accent. Although he's spoken the language of love on "Alias", Vartan is not a fan of using his native tongue to woo women offscreen. "It's a disgusting tool. When I hear guys saying [affecting a mock accent], 'Hell-ooo, ma name eez Jean-Claude' ... it's so smarmy. But women fall for it all the time."
So take note, ladies: As Vartan contemplates the sort of woman who ultimately will win his heart, those who are attracted to smarminess -- or the trappings of fame -- need not apply. "The No. 1 thing I look for in a woman is sweetness," he says. "I'm not looking for a hard-core kind of girl. She's got to be sweet, sweet, sweet."
Michael Vartan: A Face That’s Hard to Forget
Michael Vartan, aka Agent Vaughn of ABC’s hit show Alias, is slowly creeping onto the radar screens of Hollywood bigwigs, eager to make the cross over to superstardom.
If you haven’t heard about the popular star, then you may be the only one. A quick search on popular internet auction site, Ebay, tells you that there are people eager to own Michael Vartan wall clocks, pillowcases and even a t-shirt plastered with the words “Marry Me! Michael Vartan.” Sure, the six-foot 190 lbs. actor with the “boy next door” look is appealing, but internet message board posts have a “OH MY GOD!” quality that tells you what everyone knows—he’s an international heartthrob. His biggest unofficial website “The Safe House” (www.vartanho.com) has over 3000 registered members and there is an official site in the works to celebrate the talents of the enigmatic Mr. Vartan.
People Magazine is onboard the Vartan fan club and chose him as one of the Sexiest Men Alive for 2003. The green-eyed hunk joked at the honor, “It’s amazing how much better looking I’ve gotten since I’ve been on Alias. I didn’t have that many female fans when I was 19 years old and working as a waiter.”
Born in France, Vartan was raised in both France and America. His American mother and French-Armenian father—brother of famed French singer, Sylvie Vartan—split when he was only five. A high school dropout, he permanently settled in L.A. at the age of 18—to avoid French military service—and took acting classes to hone a talent family and friends already spotted.
Now 35 years old, Vartan’s career spans two continents and he’s got a knack for working with some of the most celebrated names in the biz. His first lucky break was in the Italian film, Fiorile (1993) which garnered him a French Caesar award nomination as best up-and-coming actor.
Stateside he played a minor role in To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (1995), but his breakthrough came with The Pallbearer (1996) starring David Schwimmer and Gwyneth Paltrow. That initial exposure paved the path to roles in Never Been Kissed (1999) opposite Drew Barrymore, The Next Best Thing (2000) as Madonna’s prickly first husband, and even One Hour Photo (2002) with Robin Williams, where his nude scene had The Straits Times of Singapore declare, “Vive le Vartan!”
Vartan is climbing into the upper strata of Hollywood celebrity doing all the right projects and even dating the right people—in his case Alias co-star, Jennifer Garner. The Michael Vartan frenzy is certainly only beginning, but the real test will be if he can pull off the challenge of a complex role considering he is being typecast in endless pretty boy roles. Until that day, Vartan will just have to be satisfied with the admiration of his fans the world over.
10 Sexiest Men on Television
Number 1: Alias' Michael Vartan
Michael says, "The number one quality I look for in a woman is someone who's friendly."
Why We Love Him: His soulful green eyes, a dimpled chin and a perpetual case of bed-head.
What's His Story: A hockey fan who still plays two or three times a week, Vartan, 33, born in France, took acting lessons at the suggestion of his mother.
"She thought I'd make friends," he recalls. "I thought I'd meet girls." After appearing in French films, he made a big impression on Drew Barrymore, who fought to have him play her teacher/lover in Never Been Kissed.
What's His Status: He's never been hitched, although he was involved with actress Shannon Gleason for 10 years.
Michael Vartan: The Golden Nephew
At last, he finds success with Alias - the espionage TV show broadcasted by M6 - in which he plays the part of a CIA agent. However the nonchalant nephew of Sylvie Vartan - who is more a fan of hockey than he is a fan of acting - took almost 10 years to find his path.
Michael was born in 1968 from a French father (Sylvie's brother) and an American mother. He grew up in Fleury, a small village in Normandie, where his life wasn't really going anywhere. He left school at sixteen and then France at eighteen. With his mum's help, he settled in Los Angeles and took acting classes. In 1998, He was working on a succession of small independent movies and TV shows (AllyMcBeal, Friends) when Drew Barrymore "fell" for him and put him in the role of her love interest in Never Been Kissed. He hasn't won the lottery yet, but Michael risked refusing a role in Scream 3 to accept Alias a year later. Bingo!
This year he will find himself in the thriller One Hour Photo. Acting with Robin Williams, Connie Nielsen and Eric La Salle (ER), Michael sparkles. It looks like he has his heart is in his work now!
Watch this face: Michael Vartan
He's the French-American actor who was seduced by Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed and jilted Madonna in The Next Best Thing. Currently being stalked by Robin Williams in One Hour Photo and playing spy games in Alias, Michael Vartan is a wanted man
1. From French farm boy...
The son of an American artist and a French musician, Vartan grew up in a village of 300 people in Normandy. "The most dangerous thing that could happen was that you might get stampeded by a herd of cows."
2. ...to California dude...
Age 17, he moved to LA to live with his mother, who persuaded him to take up acting lessons, "she thought I'd make friends, and I thought I'd meet girls."
3. ...who has shared screen time with some seriously sexy ladies...
Having acted alongside Gwyneth Paltrow (The Pallbearer), Drew Barrymore, Calista Flockhart (Ally McBeal) and Madonna, Vartan is used to female attention. Says his Alias co-star, Jennifer Garner, "He's smart, funny and handsome... and when he speaks French, forget it!"
4. He likes real women...
Currently single, Vartan loves, "healthy, corn-fed women who aren't afraid to have a steak, drink a cosmopolitan, and enjoy life, [although] the number one quality I look for is being friendly."
6. ...and one day wants to be a family man
I imagine myself being the greatest dad to my son, like, 'Do what you want, just make sure you wear a condom.' Whereas, the thought of my daughter going out to her first rave party gives me an ulcer. And I'm not even married yet!"
Michael Vartan: Living the Spy Life
When viewers last saw CIA agent Michael Vaughn, the character played by actor Michael Vartan in ABC's hit show Alias, he was drowning in a flood of mysterious liquid.
"I wasn't doing too well," Vartan said with a grin.
But Vartan fans need not worry: Vaughn will survive his near-death experience. Vartan was cagey about exactly how his character survives, but he said that series creator J.J. Abrams (Felicity) came up with a plausible resolution to last season's cliffhanger.
"There are a lot of things on TV that are far less believable that the viewer seems to buy," Vartan said. "I have absolute faith in J.J.'s imagination, and when I read it I thought, 'Yeah, OK, I believe that, sure.'"
Although he will make it out alive, Vaughn won't necessarily escape unharmed.
"I know that something happens because of the liquid he was in," Vartan said. "Something will affect him, and I don't know if that's mentally or physically. I know it's going to be something along those lines."
Alias was one of last season's few breakout hits, a high-octane adventure series that quickly drew a loyal audience. Jennifer Garner stars as Sydney Bristow, who has followed in the footsteps of her father (Victor Garber) and become a secret agent. In the show's complex mythology, Sydney and her father are actually double-agents, working on behalf of the CIA while pretending to be loyal agents of a sinister agency known as SD-6.
The show was a critical as well as commercial success, earning 11 Emmy nominations -- a rare feat for a show in its freshman year. It won two technical awards.
Vaughn is Sydney's "guardian angel," a CIA handler who provides her with valuable assistance on her missions. The show has hinted at romantic tension between the two, but Vartan does not expect that "will they or won't they" aspect to dominate the show.
"As an actor, it's fun to play the 'want what you can't have' aspect of the relationship," he said, "so I hope it doesn't get, too quickly, too hot and too heavy.... I certainly hope they keep that edge.
"I don't think this year will actually be too much romance. I think they'll definitely start inching toward it a bit more maybe than last year, in the way Jennifer and I actually play the characters when we're together alone. There might be a little more playfulness and a little less of that business veneer."
Vaughn has some competition for Sydney's attentions from Will Tippin (Bradley Cooper), an intrepid journalist who has uncovered some of the secrets of SD-6. Some recent promotions for the show have played up the "romantic triangle" aspect of the series. If Sydney eventually has to choose between Will and Vaughn, Vartan said that -- naturally enough -- he is rooting for the character he plays.
Michael Vartan: Running Man
The star of new thriller "One Hour Photo" has a problem - the French army is after him. Every actor should have a skill to fall back on when times get rough. For Harrison Ford it's carpentry; Tom Cruise had the priesthood. Michael Vartan, on the other hand, star of the decidedly dark and malicious thriller "One Hour Photo", has a way with a pool cue. "I was out of work for four years as an actor," he says, "So I spent my whole time in pool halls hustling - and being hustled. It's not quite as sexy and dangerous as you'd think it is in the movies: no one ends up being knifed in the back in an alley, but there are definite times when you underplay your talents for an hour or two and all of a sudden you're brilliant and people get very angry.."
These days, the 33 year old Vartan has no need to grift. He's got a steady day job as Michael, Jennifer Garner's CIA handler in award-winning US TV series "Alias". And in his new movie, the unsettling "One Hour Photo", he more than holds his own opposite notorious scene-stealer Robin Williams who is in evil mode, just as in last months "Insomnia". Vartan plays the guy with the perfect job, house, wife and kid: Williams is the creepy loner working in a photo lab obsessed with his family. There's a crucial, truly disturbing scene in a hotel room which Vartan is traumatized just talking about. "The fact that I was naked was the least of my problems. I can't tell you how uncomfortable the atmosphere was: I remember leaving the set that day thinking, 'What the hell was that all about?'" Perhaps he'd witnessed, first hand, the full horror of Williams's all-over body hair or been forced to sit through "Bicentennial Man".
Despite making a convincing All-American guy, Vartan was actually born in France. His father was French - his aunt was even married to Johnny Hallyday, France's perplexing answer to both Cliff and Elvis - and his mother American. After they split young Michael grew up in both the States and a tiny French village where there was nothing to do for fun but try to tip cows. "It never works - they wake up miles before you even get there and walk away. How can you sneak up on a cow and push them over? It's ridiculous!"
While visiting the US in his late teens he discovered that he had missed his French national service call up date and had been officially listed as a deserter. "I feel terrible, but there was no way I was going to go back and be arrested by the military police." Vartan heritage becomes even more cluttered when he reveals he has Geordie connections too, his step-father is Ian La Frenais, one half (with Dick Clement) of the genius sitcom writing duo behind "The Likely Lads" and "Auf Wiedersehen Pet". It was "Uncle" Ian who put him on screen with the perpetually scowling wing nut Jimmy Nail in and episode of "Spender". "I've always ribbed him 'When are you going to write something for a French-American hockey player with a tattoo on his left arm?? So he finally did, and I thought, 'F**k me, If I don't get this part I'm really crap!'"
On a midly more glamorous note, he's played screen boyfriend to both Drew Barrymore ["Never Been Kissed"] and Madonna ["The Next Best Thing"], but "One Hour Photo" might be ushering in a new era of paternal roles. "I'm really pissed off because I missed my niche: I remember not so long ago it was always 'He's too innocent' and all of a sudden I'm playing the dad. So I never got 'he's edgy, he's dangerous'. No, I went from the wimp to the old father."
"Who better could understand what she's going through than someone who's going through the exact same things and understands the life she needs to live and the sacrifices she needs to make?" he said. "I just think that Vaughn would understand her problems, and they're obviously attracted to each other.
"But then maybe, you never know. Sometimes people want the opposite. Will would be more a soothing influence, a solid kind of quiet strength to come home to after a hard day in Morocco."
Vartan was born in Paris, and after his parents divorced, he spent his childhood moving between France and the United States. He is a hockey enthusiast and enjoys playing the game when he is not working on Alias. Being on a hit show has made him a little more careful.
"I wear a mask now that I'm on the show, out of professional courtesy," he said. "If I showed up to work on Monday with a big gash across my face, they'd be like, 'What the hell? OK, quick rewrite: Sydney kicks Vaughn in the face.' "
Michael Vartan Didn't Want to Shovel Manure
"Alias" hottie Michael Vartan didn't become an actor because he was fascinated by the craft, but because, he says, "I figured it was better than shoveling cow manure." Vartan, whose parents divorced when he was five, divided his childhood between a village in Normandy, France, where his father was a farmer -- and Los Angeles, where his mother resettled. "When I got out of high school in France," he says, "I figured I didn't want to make my living farming and phoned my mom and said, "Here I come." He still had no acting aspirations, but his mother enrolled him in drama school at the suggestion of a director/friend, and through another family friend he made his debut in a documentary called "The History of the Black Leather Jacket." He tells us, "I turned down the part, but then I learned they would pay me $600 a day -- and I was theirs. I had no lines; I played a kid who was weak and scrawny and saved up to get a black leather jacket to change his self-image. After that I did a couple movies in France -- I was horrible in them."
His first American film was "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar," and since then has co-starred with David Schwimmer in "The Pallbearer," "The Curve" with Keri Russell and -- most recently -- with Drew Barrymore in "Never Been Kissed." Later this year he'll be seen opposite Robin William in the big-screen psychological thriller, "One Hour Photo."
So what does he have lined up as his next motion picture assignment, something to fill the months when "Alias" is on summer hiatus? "Not a thing at this time, and I don't care all that much," he says. He points out, "The series has already been picked up for a second season, and that will make summer less stress-free -- knowing you have a job to go home to inthe fall."
Michael Vartan: Dossier
Cousin of David Hallyday, Michael left his Normandy birthplace to find success in the US. And he succeeded. At 33, he is one of the most up and coming actors in Hollywood. He recently starred in One Hour Photo with Robin Williams. Here is the portrait of a french man who is not like the others.
"Vaughn is a young idealist agent. His father was killed when he was a child. He probably wants to be like him. What I like about this character is that in spite of his inexperience, he is never intimidated. He lets his heart speak but he knows how to hide his feelings when it's necessary."
"This is what I really like about the show. Sydney and Vaughn are really close, but not too close. Like they love each other and protect each other in the distance. This complicated relationship is the force of Alias. Like a hidden love story in the middle of a lot of other stories. But it might be very frustrating for the viewers."
"I am really happy to be part of this very well written show. It's very rewarding for an actor to play such an interesting character. I think I found my niche."
DREW AND HIM
"One of the first movies I did was Never Been Kissed. I can say that she is incredibly sexy. I was a little nervous about some scenes but I was surprised in a good way. She kisses very well!"
MY IDEAL WOMAN
"The first thing I notice about a woman is her curves. If a woman wants to get my interest, she has to be sporty, smart and spiritual. In the US, it's challenging to find someone like that! The word "superficial" has a lot of meaning in this country! More seriously, there is nothing more attractive than a woman who is happy and enjoys life. Appearance isn't as important if I know I'll be happy with her."
"Sometimes I like to take risks. I used to make bets. At first I didn't know it could go that way, but I stayed all day. I was quite good and I won $2000. I had fun but I wouldn't do that every day. I would be afraid of having a heart attack!"
"I really don't know what the writers will do for us next year, but it will be explosive! With my character, I think that since first season, he's proved that he is capable of going on missions. He will probably be more active in the future. And resisting to Sydney's charms will be more difficult."
We're Mad for Michael Vartan
It's ironic that French-born actor Michael Vartan got his big break in a movie called Never Been Kissed -- after all, this 33-year-old heartthrob is one of Tinseltown's most smooch-worthy stars. While his role as Madonna's ex in The Next Best Thing helped solidify his celeb status, his current stint as agent Vaughn in the CIA drama Alias has him shooting to the top of Hollywood's hot list. With his chiseled good looks, one thing's for certain- this sexy spy won't stay undercover for long.
Have you ever had a crush on a costar?
Drew Barrymore while filming Never Been Kissed. She's a little hot pot, and she's nice to everyone. Plus, she's an amazing kisser. I also had a crush on Amanda Peet [while shooting Touch Me].
What do you look for in a woman?
Curves, curves, curves. I like healthy, corn-fed women who aren't afraid to have a steak, drink a cosmopolitan, and enjoy life.
Do you prefer French or American women?
American - they're a challenge. In the village where I grew up, you'd go to a dance, kiss a girl, and that was it -- she was your girlfriend. So when I started making out with a girl in a club in L.A., I though, Here's my new girlfriend. She had told me where she lived, and the next morning, I showed up at her door with coffee and muffins. She was like, "Dude, it's 9 A.M. Go home."
What's the wackiest nonacting job you've had?
I was a pool hustler. I hung out in a pool hall for 15 hours a day. It started out as something fun, but then I realized I was good. And it paid well-- I won $2,000 in one game.
Do you feel like you've "made it" yet?
I was a late bloomer -- I didn't even get laid until I was 18. Now that I'm 33, I'm starting to find my speed, and when the camera rolls, it's like "I deserve to be here. I don't suck."